dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
