dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
