I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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