He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
