I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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