That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
