I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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