you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
