what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize