you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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