i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
