i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
