You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
