He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
