I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
