just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
