She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
