remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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