even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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