I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
