So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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