I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
