my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I didn't notice because vodka
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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