oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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