Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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