They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
