Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
