wakey wakey hands off snakey
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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