if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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