3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
