You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
