k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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