Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
