I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
