All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
