Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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