Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
