2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
