I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
