never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
