Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
