you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize