I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
