It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
