Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
