There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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