Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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