absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
