Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
