covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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