I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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