I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
