It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
