Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love having hate sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
