we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Randomize
