How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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