We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
