Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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