oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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