Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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