I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
