ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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