oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
