i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
