Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
