I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
